on being kind to the unkind

For the last few months, I’ve been working as an account specialist at a solar company in addition to working at my Deseret Book internship. It’s a good enough job, it pays pretty well, and the people in the office are nice, so despite the fact that it has absolutely nothing to do with what I want to do with my life, I feel like it’s a pretty good setup.

Most of the time.

Our company partners with several install companies throughout the country, and over the last few weeks, our communication with one such company has been strained to say the least. This is likely due to a combination of differing time zones, inefficient methods of communication, and different office cultures, but the fact of the matter is that the way the employees at our partner company address my coworkers and me is petty, rude, and snide. They refuse to answer phone calls and then send nasty emails about how we’re wasting their time. They ask us to address problems, and then complain when we do. They are condescending, insulting, and think that beginning a very rude sentence with “I don’t mean to be rude, but…” makes the rude sentence not rude. (It doesn’t.)

In the last week, this negative communication spiraled downward at such an alarmingly fast rate that I was left extremely angry, frustrated, bitter, and offended. So naturally, I directed all of these negative feelings to the faceless people who I’ve never met and who work at an office 2,000 miles away on the other side of the country.

And let me tell you something: I have been miserable all week. I had plenty of good things happen to me, but none of them meant much to be, because everything was tinged with the negativity and bitterness that I’d allowed to root up in my heart.

It wasn’t until studying the words of the prophet on Sunday that I truly realized why I felt so negative, so grumpy, so bitter, and so angry: I didn’t have an ounce of charity in my heart for the people at our partner company.

My knee-jerk reaction to this realization was, “Why should I have charity toward them? They’re the ones acting inappropriately.” And after some huffing, I calmed myself and remembered all the times people have shown me charity when I didn’t deserve it. I remembered that Christ asked His Father to forgive the very people who tortured and killed him. I remembered that employees of our partner company are just as much children of God as I am and that Christ loves them just as much as he loves me.

And my heart softened a bit.

I realized that I needed to make more room in my life for charitable feelings toward others. Especially toward the people who are rude or offensive and the people who let you down or hang you out to dry. Being bitter and angry instead of charitable and forgiving only hurts me. My reaction to rudeness or unkind behavior does nothing to change those external forces. But it does change me. And it can change me for better or for worse, depending on whether I choose to react with charity or with spite. After spending a week reacting with spite and feeling the uncomfortable repercussions of that choice, I think I’m going to go with charity from now on.

That’s not to say that it’ll be easy. I’m quick to judge, quick to be offended, and slow to forgive. These are all attributes of my being that I’m very much aware of and very much in favor of changing. But change is a slow, tedious process, so I’m going to start small.

Thus, I’ve come up with a new rule for myself. Anytime I have an unkind, judgmental, or otherwise uncharitable thought about another person, I have to replace it with a kind thought. I’ve been at this for less than 12 hours, and I’m already becoming more and more aware of how frequently I judge or become frustrated with others for silly little things. I’d barely made it out of the house before I was annoyed at a car driving five under the speed limit and then accelerating at the last minute to run a red light. And then another driver cut me off, prompting a “would you please learn how to drive and watch where you’re going” from a driver prone to very slight road rage. (That’s me, if you didn’t catch on.) Then on the train, I scrolled through social media and found myself thinking, “Was that post really necessary? Do people actually think I care about every minute detail of their lives?” And perhaps the most ridiculous of all: Once at work, I got irrationally annoyed with the author of the manuscript I’m working on because he has a tendency to use the word gnarled when describing things that just CAN’T be gnarled (hair, eyebrows, etc.) and then using the word twisted when describing a wooden staff. DIDN’T HE SEE HE WAS MISSING A GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY TO USE THE WORD CORRECTLY?? (#editorprobs)

Clearly, I’ve been very busy replacing my uncharitable thoughts with kind ones today.

And it’s only 12:37.

But the fact of the matter is that having these unkind, impatient, and generally ridiculous, now that I look back on them, thoughts about fellow children of God does nothing but make it harder for me to love them. And if I’m not actively trying to love those around me, I’m not actively trying to be like Christ, which is something I have covenanted to do and which I genuinely believe will improve my life.

So I’m going to keep replacing uncharitable thoughts with charitable ones. I’m going to be more patient and more forgiving. I’m going to put things in greater perspective and focus on what truly matters in life.

And if anybody has any guidance for me, I’d greatly appreciate it. I’m going to need all the help I can get.