{not} grateful for trials

It's one of those cliche Mormon adages that you hear at testimony meeting and in visiting teaching messages and in talks and casual conversation: "I'm so grateful for my trials."

Now, I mean no disrespect or offense to anybody who has uttered that phrase; I, myself, have said it on numerous occasions, I'm sure. But, I think we all misspeak when we say that we're grateful for trials. Nobody actually means that.

And that's okay.

Why would be be grateful for the tragic passing of a beloved friend or family member? Why would we be grateful to encounter setback after setback as we try to live a good life and be productive members of society? Why would we rejoice when financial difficulties or family challenges or school struggles hinder our ability to achieve goals or progress? Why would be grateful for the times when debilitating disease--mental, emotional, or physical--sets in or when relationships crumble?

We wouldn't. We shouldn't. We aren't. And, again, that's okay.

I don't think we're a bunch of liars. I don't think we're putting on a facade to prove to the rest of the world that we're good Christians who accept God's will. I fully believe that we really are grateful. I just think we're not articulating what it is we're actually grateful for. I think we're actually grateful for the growth and change that come as a result of having to endure hard things, not the trial itself.

Trials and challenges change us in a way that very few other things can. And those changes can be positive or negative changes--which end of the spectrum we gravitate toward depends entirely on our choices and our reaction to hard times. Do we turn to our Heavenly Father in prayer, begging and pleading for strength, wisdom, and understanding, or do we shut him our in anger, hurt, and fear? Do we study the scriptures, desperately seeking a Balm in Gilead, or do we leave them on the shelves gathering dust because we think the words and stories of dead guys aren't applicable or beneficial in our time? Do we seek guidance from trusted leaders, friends, and family, or do we hold everything inside, foolishly believing that we can handle everything by ourselves? I realize that how we react to trials isn't white and black--it's a spectrum. But we choose where to place ourselves on the spectrum.

But choosing where we want to be and how we want to react is HARD. It's not just a choice between A and B or a flippant decision made with little thought. It's heart-wrenching. It's difficult. It's painful. Doing what's right when everything is going wrong isn't some casual Sunday afternoon stroll through the park. It's more closely related to hiking Mount Doom with the ring of power weighing you down, if you ask me. It takes unending faith and strength and perseverance. It takes the kind of grit that you don't always know you have inside of you.

But making those good, hard choices isn't without its reward. When we choose to be faithful through trials, we gain strength and wisdom and humility that can rarely be acquired through other means. We grow in ways we never saw possible. We become a person we didn't know we could be. We draw ever nearer to a Savior who extends a hand of mercy to us at all times. We view ourselves in a different light--stronger, smarter, more complete. And those changes and perspectives are worth the pain and suffering and confusion.

That's what I'm grateful for.