on being a 20-year-old Mormon girl at the BYU

A few months ago, I was attending the mission call opening of a friend of mine. While we were waiting, a newly engaged acquaintance approached me. I hadn't seen her in quite some time and, after I congratulated her on her engagement, she asked me what I was up to. As a 20-year-old girl in Provo, Utah, that's a pretty loaded question. 

"Well," I responded, "I'm just going to school right now."

"Are you planning on going on a mission?" she asked. This was only a few months after President Monson made the historic missionary age change announcement, and missionary work was a hot topic. 

"It's not in the plan right now," I told her.

"Are you dating anybody?" she asked, her exuberance over relationships shining through those sparkling, engaged eyes of hers. 

"No," I responded. 

Her face fell a little, as though she no longer knew how to communicate with a boyfriendless, nonprospective missionary like myself. "Oh," was all she could come up with. 

I left the crowded apartment later that evening after my friend's mission call had been opened and all the festivities and congratulations had commenced feeling a little down on myself. Though I'm sure this acquaintance of mine never intended to insult, judge, or belittle me, and though she hadn't actually said it out loud, I still heard the words "Well, what are you doing?" ringing in the air between us. 

In the months that have followed, I've had a lot of time to contemplate on this encounter. I honestly feel like a minority in Provo right now due to my single status and lack of a mission call, and sometimes I'm tempted to ask myself the same question that remained unspoken all those months ago: What am I doing? 

What am I doing? I'm furthering my education. I'm preparing for a future career. I'm fulfilling my calling. I'm strengthening my relationships with my friends and family. I'm preparing for the day when I am engaged and ready to get married. I'm growing into the best person I can be. I'm drawing nearer to my Savior. I'm looking for opportunities to serve others. I'm making the most of the place in life I'm in. 

All without a boyfriend/fiance/husband or a mission call.

Now, the purpose of this isn't to rag on people who are in relationships or who are on missions. Those are both amazing, wonderful life experiences that I'd love to have someday. I thought long and hard about serving a mission. I fasted and prayed and pondered and counseled. But, my answer was that now isn't the time for me to serve in that way. Heavenly Father has other things He wants me to do here in Provo. 

And I couldn't be happier to be where I am right now. 

I'm not bitter that I'm not experiencing these exciting steps in life that so many of my friends and peers are experiencing. I trust Heavenly Father's plan for me, and I know He knows far more than I do about what's best for me. My time will come. And until then, I will keep on doing what I'm doing now. I'll keep growing. I'll keep seeking. I'll keep loving. 

And I won't let anybody tell me that I'm worth any less than all of those strong, beautiful, amazing young sister missionaries and all of the happy girlfriends, fiancees, and wives. Being in a different place in my life doesn't put me in a worse place. I'm not less righteous, I'm not less worthy, and I'm not less strong. Just because I'm at an eligible age to serve a mission and because Mormon culture deems me to be at a "marriageable age" (whatever that means) doesn't mean that they are right for me right now.

And that's okay.

I guess if I had to summarize what I wish I could say to every unmarried girl roaming around BYU right now, it'd be to do what you know is best for you. It's okay to not be dating a dreamboat or serving a mission. Don't feel like you're less of a woman or less of a Mormon or less of an anything because you are at a different place in your life right now. The most important thing for you to do isn't what everybody else is doing--it's doing what the Spirit tells you is right for you. It's doing the will of the Lord. 

Because if you do those things, you will find peace and you will be happy.