connected.

There is a park behind my apartment complex. To access it, you just have to cut through the back parking lot and slip through a gap in the fence, being careful not to trip over the large roots jutting out of the dirt just on the other side of the fence. Then you find yourself in a large grassy area, home to a baseball field, complete with two gratified dugouts and a soccer field outlined in spray paint cutting through the outfield. Walk a little further and there is a wide expanse of grass dotted with trees, perfect for basking in the sun or outdoor reading. Beyond the grass lay a playground and some tennis courts, as well as a pavilion with a fire pit.

To say that this park has saved my life would be an exaggeration, but only slightly. I cannot count the number of times when restless, contemplative, upset, or some combination of the three, I've been driven out of my apartment and found myself seeking solace in the park. I have a thinking swing that I visit often when I need to mull something over or make a decision or just have a little time to myself. The gentle rocking of the swing is usually quite successful in calming my worries and choppy feelings.

It's peaceful in the park at night, with the sound of the breeze gently rustling the leaves and crickets chirping and the sprinklers over-watering the grass in the distance. I feel connected, sitting there in the dark staring up at the night sky. Last night I went and laid in the grass and watched the stars disappear behind the swirling clouds, only to reappear a few minutes later. The sky was marbled and deep and beautiful. For a not-so-outdoorsy person, I have an almost spiritual connection with nature. I love the feeling of the grass beneath me and the cool night air surrounding me. It makes me feel alive and so small, yet so alive. Laying there in the grass, I could almost feel the heartbeat of the earth pulsing beneath me. I felt connected with myself, with the earth, and most importantly with God. 

I had a conversation with my Heavenly Father last night in the park. I told Him about my fears and my weaknesses and asked Him for help. And though I heard no voice answering me, no spoken words of comfort or guidance, I know He was an active participant in that conversation. I could feel Him. I knew He was listening. 

And that was enough for me.