yesterday, today, tomorrow

I almost never look at today--I look back to what was yesterday or forward to what could be tomorrow. Today is never enough. It's lacking things I do want and is filled with an overabundance of things I don't want. Yesterday definitely was superior and tomorrow will happier or more fulfilling. But today just doesn't cut it. Today doesn't rise to the occasion. Today always leaves me wishing things were different.

This needs to change.

Don't get me wrong; there is nothing wrong about looking back on yesterday with fondness. Nothing wrong with smiling at good memories and seeing how far you've come. It's good to look back to who you were in comparison with who you are. And tomorrow is important. You can't disregard tomorrow because someday tomorrow is going to be today. If you don't have a plan for tomorrow, it could easily turn into a disappointing jumble of half fulfilled dreams.

There are a lot of todays of my past that I now see in a different light. Now that they are yesterdays, I understand that many of them were just perfect. They were exactly what I needed, even if I felt at the time that they were dull or useless. There are others, though, that don't look so rose colored in retrospect. Those todays weren't as perfect as I thought they were.

It's time to stop giving myself whiplash by constantly looking back and ahead. It's time to spend more time looking at now. Being happy now. Being grateful for every today that I get, because once it's gone, I'll never get it back. Today sometimes feels insignificant, especially when they all feel mostly the same, but each today has something to offer that none other can. Those tiny moments found deeply embedded inside each day are the moments that have the potential to build upon each other and become something beautiful. But if I only look at yesterday or tomorrow, I'll miss those moments.

I don't want to miss anything. I don't want to always put off happiness until tomorrow. I don't want to dwell on yesterday, replaying it over and over again in my head until I convince myself it was better than anything today can offer.  I want to, as Gordon B. Hinckley said, enjoy more fully the sunlight. I want to love today for all its sorrow, joy, and indifference. I want to live today.