Monday, October 6, 2014

things i wish i could put on my résumé

I graduate next semester. And that's scary, because it means I have to start seriously thinking about what I'm going to do post-college. And with post-college thinking comes job search thinking which leads to résumé thinking. And I'm left wondering if my résumé is up to par—is mine beefed up enough to land me a sweet job, or will I be left flipping burgers or working retail or scanning people's groceries?

So in an effort to make me feel less stressed about the whole résumé bidness, I've compiled a list of accomplishments I believe should be celebrated even though no interview question or résumé will ever include these things. Because even though they don't qualify me for any real-live job, they do qualify me for being an awesome human being. And I'm pretty sure that if any employer found out about these skills of mine, they'd hire me on the spot.


:: being able to accurately sing theme songs from childhood tv shows

:: making exactly the right amount of smoothie to fit in my favorite smoothie cup

:: speaking in a really bad Russian accent

:: changing from my normal clothes to sweats/pjs/stretchy pants within 2 minutes of being home

:: extensive movie/tv show quoting capabilities

:: waking up, showering, getting ready, and being out the door in a mostly presentable manner in 20 minutes flat.

:: flipping pancakes without the use of a spatula

:: holding the record for most goat videos watched on YouTube (this is unconfirmed, but I'm pretty confident it's true)

:: going through the alphabet several times naming something from the Harry Potter universe for each letter. 

:: creating unnecessary sound effects for nearly any action or movement


If I die never having any fancy schmancy résumé boosters, I think I'll be okay—these accomplishments seem pretty satisfactory to me.

No comments:

Post a Comment