Wednesday, December 5, 2012

response

I recently met with an academic adviser regarding declaring the editing minor. During this meeting, she glanced over the paperwork I'd had to fill out declaring my plan of action and career aspirations in reference to my minor. She read my answers and made some suggestions as to classes I should take and the sequence in which I should take them. At one point, she recommended a class, but then followed it with, "But it's not that important since you're not interested in writing."

"Well," I said a bit timidly, "I would like to write, as well."

She looked at me over her stodgy professor spectacles. "Are you planning on taking any writing classes?" Her voice was unconvinced, a bit accusatory, even, as though the fact that I hadn't burst into her office loudly declaring my dream to be a writer was proof that it wasn't really important to me.

"Yeah, I think so," I said.

My slight reservation prompted a stern response: "You are NOT a writer."

I was taken aback by such an austere, my-word-is-law response from a woman who'd known me for less than five minutes. In her mind, my hesitation nullified any legitimacy I might have as a writer. She didn't stop to consider that the fact that maybe I was timid because I was insecure about my abilities. Maybe I wasn't vocal about my ambitions because I was afraid that if I subjected my writing to critique, it would get torn to shreds along with bits and pieces of my heart and soul. Maybe I just needed somebody to coach me, to guide me, to believe in me.

I will most likely never encounter this woman again, as she is retiring after this semester, but if I were to see her once more, this is what I would say:

I respect you as a professor and a person. I realize that you have far greater experience and expertise in the world of writing and editing, and I appreciate the valuable advice you gave me in regards to an editing career. But you were wrong about something. I AM a writer.

You may tell me that my lack of overt enthusiasm for the art proves that I'm not serious about it, but you don't know my heart. You don't know about the words and stories that are lying dormant inside of me, preparing to burst out onto the page. You don't know about the dozens of half-formed ideas I store in my brain and on paper in case more inspiration strikes down the road. You don't know about the ache I have deep in my heart to put pen to paper. You just don't know me.

Even if no eyes other than my own ever see the words I pen, I will always be a writer. Even if no book on the shelves bears my name, even if the world is convinced that I am completely void of any talent or promise, even if no journal, newspaper, or magazine knows I write, I will be a writer. Even if my words aren't deep or profound or original, I will still  be a writer simply because those words are mine.

I remember the exact moment that I became a writer. My 3rd grade teacher called me out into the hallway during silent reading time one afternoon and I was instantly terrified that I'd done something wrong. I stepped cautiously into the hall to see my teacher and three of the 5th grade teachers. Mrs. G. held a few sheets of paper, filled with childish scrawl, and I recognized it as a story I'd written in class a few days prior. "I hope you don't mind," she said, "but I was so impressed by the story you wrote that I wanted to show it to the 5th grade teachers."

I smiled hesitantly in response.

One of the other teachers placed a loving hand on my shoulder."Your story was very good," she assured me. "Better than the writing my students come up with."

Something changed inside me that day. I didn't realize it then, but looking back I know that's when writing became a part of me.

You could sooner change my very DNA than change the fact that I am a writer. It is as much a part of me as my blood, brain, and heart are. I am a writer and you can't take that away from me.

2 comments:

  1. YEAH. YOU TELL THAT OLD KOOK! You most certainly are a writer, Gov'na. And a brilliantly talented one at that.

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  2. She can go hide under a rock, because anyone who reads your work knows you're a flipping awesome writer! ;) Best one I know, that's for SURE! ;D

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