copycat

A few weeks ago, I read this post on my cute friend Shaundra's blog. It truly made me realize how many of those stupid little questions I get asked almost on a daily basis while laboring at Chili's. So, I'm going to blatantly copy her idea and illustrate to you what I wish I could say in response to these borderline idiotic question, rather than use my I'm So Happy to Help You voice.

Q: (asked when restaurant is clearly very empty) Is there a wait?
A: Yes, as you can see, we are slammed right now. It may be several hours before I can get you a table. 


Q: (asked when the waiting area is overflowing) Is there a wait?
A: No, not at all. Let me just push through this large crowd of people who are suffocating me for no reason other than sheer entertainment to take you to one of our many empty tables


Q: Is it ok if I sit at the bar?
A: Absolutely not. Unfortunately, our bar is in place for purely aesthetic purposes and your sitting at it would tarnish the "look" we are going for.  

{Note on the following question: I'm pretty sure that when they ask this ridiculous question, they are asking to request a booth.}

Q: Is it possible to prefer a booth?
A: Yes, that is very possible. The human mind is capable of forming various hierarchies when it comes to likes and dislikes. 


AND here is an (unfortunately) real-live, actual, non-hypothetical  answer to a question I ask:


Q: Would you prefer a table or a booth?
A: (all in once breath) It doesn't matter; either is fine. We'll take a booth.

What the what? The restaurant industry is a strange place, everybody. That's all I have to say.